So, take that brick and go for it.

In response to: "Melatonin helps autistic children get to sleep" http://mightymother.info/?p=171

my partner is getting serotonin medication in order to 'calm down' his brain. it seems effective and he's getting good sleep these days with added help from hypnotics.

in the first place, he went to see a doctor about how to quit alcohol because my logical side weren't getting along well with his drunk state. the doctor pointed out how his decision was a logical one and went on to say that he's most likely an autistic!

the doctor's explanation is that autistic people sometimes lack enough serotonin to relax their brain so that their mind keeps running and running. in order to cope with his unsleeping brain, my partner has been drinking beer for the last ten years, or so the doctor say.

it was surprising news for both of us, as we were considering ourselves a couple of an aspie girl and a NT lad. but it doesn't really matter as long as we're free of alcohol-induced quarrels.

 "
[after being introduced to the guests at a luncheon,] Mrs. Jones finds a place for herself and after a pause, falls naturally into conversation with those she is next to, without giving her name or asking theirs.
"

 I hope the art of "falling naturally into conversation" would be explained in one of the chapters. I always seem to be out of time, beat, flow, wavelength, or whatever.

 my one and only strategy in conversation making is to ask questions. it's not a bad one, since it is considered polite to show interest in the other person.

 the problem is in keeping up the conversation, when it's my turn to contribute my opinion. to begin with, I still haven't figured out the whatabouts of myself. and then the operating system of my brain tend to gobble up each and every possibility of a given situation. no wonder my cpu gets over heated amidst of an infinite loop.

 when I do piece up something to say, it's almost always too late or too skewed to my viewpoint that it doesn't
get through.

 is there a patch for my system, or a workaround, i wonder.

 yes, it's winter and I'm under the hibernation period.

 the hardest part of the day is trying to fight away the sleep in the morning. there is a corset around my brain and the outer world seems a wall away. the most effective remedy is the sunshine, which almost literally melts the corset away if you turn your face to the sun, but real sunshine is hard to get during winter.

 another thing is that I lose control of my getting-things-done ability and wrapping-things-up ability. my head is in a hazed state during the day that I can't seem to prioritize my tasks well and get distracted easily. I also tend to work late because I can't put an end to what I'm doing. which in turn makes the morning all the more harder.

 all this may be a physical attribute of my body, but I sense my autism is preventing me from instinctively perceiving the relationship between cause (winter coldness),
effect (hibernated state) and my human ability to counteract the problems. perhaps I should practice zazen to raise my grade of awareness.

 to achieve this monumentous feat, the following problems had to be
sorted through:

 - loudness and crowdedness of those places in genral
- my nervousness around female staffs
- my sensitivity toward being touched by a someone else
- my reluctance against changing something about myself

 the first two can be solved methodically, by choosing an agreeable
salon and picking the right staff. though it may be difficult to find
one depending on where you live.

 the latter half took a lot of determination, and explanation on
akira's side. i.e. if I don't groom well he'd refrain from introducing
his friends to me,
which would result in my losing some networking opportunities.

 still, my reluctaoce hasn't dissolved entirely. I know I need to
tackle the problem of my dearly low self-esteem. I shall solve it some
day, but not today, yet.

last night there was an incident which illustrates my rigid, very ASD-like way of thinking.

akira pointed out, a while ago, that I was using my mac while having supper. doing something else while eating is bad manner, he said.

this meal-rule got registered on my memory quite literally and rigidly.

back to last night, it happened that akira was stamping some stamps on paper forms while having supper together.

here is my rigidness #1: meal-rule applied only to myself.

these forms were related to a company we estableshed together. naturally, akira asked me to help him out.

Instead of saying okay, I got nervous that it might break the meal-rule. After a bit of fretting, I asked him if it wouldn't violate the rule. turns out that he was astonished to know that I even associated the matter with it.

rigidness #2: there were no exceptions for the meal-rule.

akira then explained to me that the rule, at its heart, is about imagining what others would think if you took a certain action and adjusting your behavior based on that prediction. the "rule" is just a general guideline.

yes, I can understand that logically. the pirates of the Caribbean were making the same blunder in the movie.  

but, the imagining part is so difficult and overwhelming for me that I'm almost on the brink of a panic attack. what to do?

my current solution is to add a sub-rule: you can do something else during meal if someone asks you to.